… don’t be fooled by her looks. She’s a 10-year-old child who doesn’t look her age. More often than not, she doesn’t act like it either.
One day, I saw her face a danger that even I, as an adult, was scared to confront. It was late in the afternoon when I heard a heart-dropping scream from where my daughters were playing. I ran to them and found them face-to-face with a large dog.
To get a sense of the gravity of the situation for me, you should know 2 things: 1. My youngest is terrified of dogs. This big one was her nightmare. 2. I'm not familiar with dogs and generally don't know how to interact with them, especially the big ones.
The intimidating animal stood feet away from my kids. My baby was crying, panicked, and frozen. Even my 10-year-old, who loves dogs, looked frightened. I needed to act quickly but was unsure how.
That's when my brave girl stepped between her sister and the dog, spreading her arms like a T. With a calm but firm voice, she looked the dog in the eye and said, "GO!" My youngest clung to her back. Despite being scared, my older daughter acted to protect her sister.
The dog backed up. I called the girls to walk slowly towards the door. The dog watched us, but we all made it inside safely.
My 10-year-old is pretty fantastic. But I guess that's what a lot of people think of their offspring, right? I know I think all three of my kids are amazing. What I mean is, in her 10 years, she has a stronger sense of self and more humanity than some adults I know.
Her style—the haircuts she chooses and the way she puts together an outfit—amazes me.
She reads at an 8th grade level while rocking the 4th grade.
She’s an artist — her drawing abilities and creativity surpassed mine before she turned 7.
She is conscientious and kind — always looking out for younger kids and compassionate towards animals.
She loves being tall. At my height of 5’1”, my 10-year-old is taller than me. It’s something she’s pretty proud of.
Like many of us who love young people, I worry what this world will try to do to her. As I watch her grow, just like with my two other kids, I pray this world doesn’t win at cutting her down and making her feel less-than if she doesn’t fit certain molds. I hope the overwhelming messages about what’s beautiful and successful - will not crush her gorgeous soul.
And I wish for her childhood not to be stolen from her. But I fear it already has been.
Recently, she told us that she tries to act older than 10. Because she's tall, quiet, and often composed, she knows people assume she's older. She worries she'll get in trouble for behaving in a way that adults see as immature for the age they think she is.
She takes on roles and responsibilities like helping her classmates with their schoolwork, pushing other kids on the swings instead of swinging herself, and protecting her little sister from a big dog. She does this not necessarily because she wants to, but because she feels it's what people expect of her.
It’s not just because of her calm, caring nature, or physical features that she’s seen as older than her age. She notices it’s not just her — it happens with other black and brown girls like her. Grown-ups treat kids like her differently. Her worries are validated every day.
She intuitively understands adultification bias, where children of color, especially black kids, are seen by adults as being older than they really are. This bias influences how adults perceive behaviors and respond to certain children, often in ways that harm them. It's about how black girls, like my precious girls, are seen as needing “less nurturing, less protection, less support, and less comfort than white girls of the same age”
World, she is a perfect 10 years old. She deserves all the gentle consideration and kindness given to a 10-year-old white kid.
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